Ephemeral
by labrinthine
Summary: They didn't need introductions, they had known each other long before now. Humanized, slash LxF
1. Meeting Again

They acted like they had just met.

Like everything between them hadn't happened, like they didn't know everything about each other.

And they were good at it, exceptionally so, but spies had to be that good. Had to trick people, twist them to think they meant nothing to each other, to think their past didn't exist and in a sense, it didn't. They were different people, different names, new identities, different lives and new emotions, he had made his decisions to leave, and the other had let him go. So they meant nothing to each other, their characters they had created had no feelings towards his and that's how it would always be.

But it didn't stop the way the fit together perfectly. The way they could share a single look and communicate a thousand words, or the way they would lean towards each other while in the same room together, like magnets were pulling them together. It couldn't erase the years of familiarity and how they reacted as one, fought as one, lived as the other half to each other because they were.

He left. he had always wanted out, craved normalcy and fame. The life of a spy had never suited him well, he saved the world countless of times with no praise but a pat on the back and he hated it. Hated it like he hated the color of his eyes. Green wasn't his color, it never would be. He wanted fame and fortune, he wanted to be able to show his face in public and be thanked for his sacrifice because he had made _so many._

And the other? He preferred the invisibility. Needed the fact that no one would be able to pick him out of a line up no matter how hard they tried. He left no trace, nothing could link him to a crime scene and had faked his own death more times than he could count on his hands. He kept his looks as average as he could, striving to look like anyone, you could pass by him on the street and never know that you owed him your life. He flourished in the shadows and didn't want to leave, so he didn't.

And he begged, promising a life where they didn't have to hide. A life where they could get married and he wouldn't stay up half the night wondering if he would make it back alive. In the end he couldn't do it, couldn't abandon everything he had trained for. He still had the little piece of paper, the one with the scribbled out phone number and the order "Call me if you change your mind." Because he still loved him, even if they choose different paths.

Years. It had been _years._ He had been 21 when he stayed, the other 20 when he left. He turned 28 a month ago, and knew his old love had turned 27 days before that. He had contemplated calling, whispering a "Happy Birthday." because he knew how important birthdays were. He didn't. Instead he bought himself a cupcake and wished him a silent happy birthday while he sat in his room alone (because no matter how many people he met they would never compare to his other half).

And then The World Grand Prix fiasco happened, and he was once again face to face with him, closer than they had been the weeks before he left, and it hurt. He still loved him, years later and he still loved him. Still felt his heart flutter when he came near, still felt his palms grow sweaty at the thought of holing hands with him, still felt the unyielding love when they held each other close. He still burned with passion and fear when he remembers the time they almost came back in body bags and he's grateful he got out. Grateful he saved himself, because if there was one thing he knew it was that one day he wouldn't make it out of a mission alive.

He was okay with that, but the thought of receiving the news that his love had come back without a heartbeat terrified him to this day. He understood his reasons for leaving, but it hurt that he wasn't enough to get him to stay.

So he faced him, and pretended his heart didn't heart every time he caught his eye (he wore blue contacts now, and he missed the green).

"McMissle. McQueen." Mater grinned, "McQueen. McMissle." He didn't need an introduction, he had kept tabs on him since his leave and knew he had done the same.

An extended hand and warm grin, he was keeping his cover well. He was always the best at that. Taking his hand lightly he felt the same electricity down his spine and knew the racer had felt the same.

"Glad to meet you." Lightning greeted cheerfully, as if this was another day.

"The pleasures all mine."


	2. Until Tomorrow Night

They could all see it coming, the inevitable split between the two biggest lovebirds in Radiator Springs was well on its way. Finn knew that Sally would not take the split well, and if she was angry at Lightning then Lightning would be angry at himself. Quietly observing the racer he looked for any trace of apprehension or fear, and after finding what he was looking for he quietly stood from his stool and made his way over.

Laying his hand on Lightnings shoulder he quietly whispers a message to him in their created language, hoping he still remembered, and passed by him so he could flee to his cozy cone. No matter how gentle Lightning was, their breakup was not going to be pretty. He didn't want to be there to witness the meltdown, and was sure no one else would have wanted to watch it either.

He stayed in his room for the rest of the day, choosing to have a granola bar for lunch and three bananas for dinner. Sifting through all the files on his laptop he clicked on the one labeled "Delete" and he had meant to delete it, he really had... But he ended up scrolling through picture upon picture of them before everything. Before Lightning left, before Project K, before Luxesion... Before Lightnings smiles stopped reaching his eyes...

He paused at one in particular, it was a Christmas photo of them... their second Christmas together as a couple. They were... 16? no, no, they were 15! That was the year Lightning had given him his favorite sweater and a mix tape with all his favorite songs on it (then later he had given him a box of condoms, but Finn carefully avoided thinking about that) and Finn had given him a bouquet of flowers, a pair of red fingers gloves, and a skeleton watch that he had seen lightning wearing two days ago. It didn't make much sense for him too keep it, but he had truly loved that thing and had been to afraid it would be hurt or stolen on a mission, so he kept it in its case on the nightstand more often than not. Usually when you change lives, you throw out everything of you're previous life, but Lightning had always been more sentimental than he, so he guessed he had grown fond of it over the years...

But Finn had no right to judge, he still had his sweater.

Shaking his head Finn exited out of all the pictures and shut his laptop. Rubbing his eyes tiredly he glanced at the clocks blinking red numbers, 8:58. He didn't have much time. Sliding his laptop off his bed, he pushed it underneath his nightstand and flicked his light switch off and waited.

At 9:01 he wondered if lightning had forgotten their language. or maybe he just hadn't wanted to come. At 9:03 he had decided to call it quits when the jiggling of his doorknob stopped him, after 10 agonizing seconds it clicked open and the tiniest bits of light filtered through, highlighting the figure stepping in. As the door clicked shut Finn was thrown into pitch blackness and felt the bed dip near him as Lightning adjusted his place on the bed.

They were close, but not touching. Lightning was making sure to keep his hands to himself, he was being careful not to get his hopes up just to have Finn tell him he hated him.

"I didn't invite you over to say I didn't love you." Finn reached out and slipped his fingers between his and frowned when lightning tried to pull his hand away only to give in to the comforting touch.

"I left you." His voice was quiet, "I hurt you... I left you for years without a proper goodbye and you still..?"

The silence stretched on for what seemed like hours before his reply that was almost to quiet to catch, "Forever."

Tightening his fingers Lightning let out a bitter laugh, "Forever," He echoed, "Or at least until you want to leave and become a famous racer, huh?"

"I never blamed you." Blue eyes flicked over in surprise, "Not once. Not when I found your note, not when I burned the macaroni for the seventh time, not when I woke up on my birthday and realized you weren't gonna bring me breakfast in bed, not when I kept ordering take out for two, and not when I saw your picture in the paper and the heading "Lightning McQueen; Rookie Racer VS The Pros" okay? I never blamed you, so you shouldn't blame yourself for what happened with me or what happened with Sally."

Silence that lasted a lifetime, "I'm sorry I didn't give you a proper goodbye."

"I think I liked the note better. I would have tried to convince you to stay."

"Why would that be so bad?"

"You would have been miserable." Finn closed his eyes, "You were never meant for spy life, I saw the signs but choose to ignore them. Becoming a racer, finding Radiator Springs... It was the best thing for you."

"Was it?" Lightning contemplated quietly, "I guess you're right... And you were never meant for anything but the spy life. You treasure invisibility too much... We had to part ways to be happy. I just wish we had kept in touch."

"That was my fault, I still have your note."

"Why didn't you call?"

"I was afraid of what I might say."

He didn't reply, and Finn didn't expect one. They held each others hand and soaked in each others company because when the sun came up in the morning they would slip their masks back on and go about their lives.

But they had tonight, and maybe that was all they needed.


	3. Swimming

It was hot out, but to be honest when was it not? The Arizona dessert had never been a happy place for Finn as he was to used to European weather, which tended to hover more to the rainy and cold than in America. so when Mater suggested a swimming trip Finn had (surprisingly) not been against it. Yes, there was air conditioning but the sweltering heat seemed to be able to creep through the coldest of places and linger in the clothes and breaths of it's victim, and his choice of a black shirt has been a bad one as it made him even more susceptible to the afternoon sun.

It had actually been Flo and Sally who had objected the most, as they bost had businesses to run and payments to collect. They had eventually given in when Mater had pointed out that it was like a ghost town here, as their popularity had begun to slowly decrease again. Besides, it was a Sunday, no one would truly bat an eye at the closed shops! Sarge closed his every Sunday, anyway.

And that's the shortened turn of events that led to Finn being squished between Holley and Siddeley in Fillmores van while the others had decided to take their own cars. It wouldn't have been so bad if not for the coolers on the floor that forced them to sit half-fetal position on the seats, not to mention the way their thighs stuck to the sun-baked leather (which Finn had raised an eyebrow at because leather seat were not very environmentally friendly. Fillmore had explained that he'd gotten it in his uncles will, and that he personally didn't like them.) which was, surprisingly, not the worst part of the trip.

When the finally arrived, Finn was a bit shocked at how beautiful it had been. It was an average sized lake that received it's never ending water supply from a waterfall that reached way, way up into the sky, but the way the mountain had curved created a sot of slide for the water to rush in slowly, without the force it would have been otherwise. It shimmered and the sandy shores around it had been purged of all seaweed and dirt, creating an almost perfect oasis. A few beer cans here and litter there threw off the beauty it could have achieved, but it was still a breathtaking sight.

He had often found it odd that the beauty he had seen here could almost rival all of Paris, France had it's manmade elements and streetlights and food, fasion, and more at everyturn... But it could not rival quiet nights in Radiator springs where you could look into the night sky and count all the stars. It could not compare to the little moments like this, where you could see every feeling of love and family he could see now. Doc an Sheriff had appointed themselves caretakers of everyone here, and were insisting everyone put on their sunscreen. Mater had taken the first leap into the lake, making ripples across the serene surface and Sally was laughing at his hair-plastered grin and excited whoop just before impact. Ramone and Flo had taken refuge underneath a rock outcrop, grinning at Sarges angry huf fas he had wanted the shady spot. FIllmore had spread his towel out and had stripped down to his swim trunks and bandanna in seconds. They all fit together perfectly, and it was like watching art at work the way they knew each other so deeply.

And then their was 4... the outcasts. They had not been here originally, and their awkward approach went unnoticed. Lightning had decided to take reguge in the same spot he had fled to the last time they had been here, which was an itty bitty bit of shade that his tiny form could barely fit into. He hung his feet into the water and leaned back agaist a rock. Finn had been a little startled when he had seen lightning in swim trunks, as he could recall every scar on his legs with perfect clarity... Was he even going to swim, if they didn't know about his spy life? How would he explain the scars?

While he had been having his own personal debate, Siddeley had gone off to sit next to Fillmore and Sarge. They trio had become closer over the time that they had been there and Finn wondered if Sideley had a crush on either of them. His friend had previously stated his preference for males, so it's not like it would be anything shocking. Debating internally, he decided it was most likely Sarge. They had both been in war-like situations and knew a lot of war histories. Yes, he decided silently, they would be a nice couple.

He suddenly realized he was alone, as Holley was currently splashing around in clear waters with Mater, having joined him at his call. Mater was an odd one, but true and honest like no one he'd met before. Well he supposed that wasn't a big compliment from a spy, as his entire job was literally to lie... But Mater had a childish light that could brighten anyone's day, and Holley had been surprised by his unabashed way of simply telling her she was beautiful. He hadn't seen a lot of young men like that lately, she sure had snagged her a good one.

Unconsciously he approached Lightning and set his things down beside him before pulling out a small umbrella to shield himself from the sun. Grinning lightly he cooled his feet in the water and glanced at the quiet boy beside him. He looked so... serene. Like he knew how good this was, like he knew to cherish it. He looked so different from that night, which seemed ages ago now but had only been a short week. After that night, he had been called off to another recon mission and hadn't really seen him since.

"You're wearing shorts." A statement, and Lightnings face twitched, as if reminded of a bad memory.

"Lets not talk about the past right now... This is a time for the present." Finn had nodded, though Lightning hadn't seen, before relaxing against the rock as well. He liked the small breaks he could grab between missions, but he had never truly been able to relax... until now.

Until now.

He had that effect on him, didn't he? Always had. Being around him brought a sense of security that had seemed a distant dream. With one word he could Undo him, he could pull apart his min an figure out what exactly made it tick, then he would fix it. He would make the endless stream of anticipation (for someone to come down and destroy his world around him) disappear. He could make him relax and breathe and just _exist_.

"Hey, are you gonna take your shirt off this time, Lightnin'?" Mater had called, across the water.

"Not anytime soon!" He hadn't even opened his eyes, but the smile grew larger. He was happy at their light banter no matter how heavy the subject really was.

They had done this before, if Mater's question was anything to go by, and Lightning hadn't taken off his shirt then either. Finn could picture it now, all their frantic worrying over the scars peppering his body. Touching and poking and saying, "You can tell us anything." over and over and _over. _

And he would grumble angrily and say "there's nothing to tell!" over and over and _over._

Finn could still see them, all of them, staining his skin like coffee rings on an old sheet of paper. he could trace every single one and tell you the exact weapon that did it. _gun, knife, razor, iron, nail... _They all had a story to tell, a gruesome, sad story. One that left you awake at night wondering if people still had the capacity to love. He could still see the worst one, it started at his left hip and ripped upward towards his left shoulder before curling down an cradling his shoulder blade. He had seen the blood and how deathly, deathly pale he had been...

"Finn, stop." except he couldn't, not now, he had allowed himself to remember those moments of agony in their lives. He had kept a firm lid on every time he had seen a friend bloody and dying in his arms... he had blocked out every bloody cough and wet gasp because he simply could _not. _

He could not stand to see what he had caused. The deaths of all the innocent people and the deaths of his friends... Nightmares ate at the edges of his mind, reminding him that with one wrong move he could have destroyed everyone he loved. One bad call and Holley and Siddeley could die, mater could die, Lightning almost had! An it would have all been his fault. He would have been alone. He wouldn't have survived.

"I'm alive, Finn." The monotone voice he spoke with pulled Finn out of his trance momentarily, and he stared into grass green eyes. Not the cold blue. Not the lying blue.

"I'm alive and you're alive." He squeezed Finns hand, and Finn wondered when he slipped his hand in his, "There's Holley," he nodded his head towards the brunette, "And Siddeley is right there." He was laughing and talking with Sarge and Fillmore.

"we're all safe, Finn. Come on, breath. Calm down. It's okay, everything's okay." His breathing slowed, "that's it, you're okay. We're okay. I Love you."

And Finn stilled. He hadn't... hadn't been Loved in a long time. Hadn't heard those words in years.

"I love you too." His voice cracked.

He relaxed against the rocks again, and took a moment to remeber all the good times... When they were all laughing and hugging and kissing.

How he wished for those days to return, where things were less complicated and the harsh bite of reality hadn't effected them them yet...

When they weren't so broken.


End file.
